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If We're Being Honest: "Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal."

Dear eBay Seller,

I'm not going to straight up call you out but you know who you are. There are tons of you out there. You are the ones with the super power to know what toys will be the most wanted. You have the foresight to see into the minds of little children and know what they will want before even they do. It's really very impressive. Hats off to you for that talent. Unfortunately, it makes you a bit of an a-hole. My assumption is the power goes straight to your head and the money signs you see have blinded you. I hate to sound like a cliche but, "with great power comes great responsibility". I happen to believe it's your responsibility to NOT purchase this toy. Resist the temptation. Rise above. Just be a good person.

I have to believe that you have no children. I'd rather picture you as a lonely, couch-bound, clueless fool. I mean really, what respectable adult profits from a parent's desperation? In the hopes that you are not a heartless grinch - allow me to enlighten you. I have a truly sweet little 5 year old boy. He always thinks of others before himself. He is so loving and giving. He is full of joy and magic. He has been counting down the days till Santa arrives since early November and with each passing one becomes even more excited. All he really wants is a hatchimal. Now you know why I'm singling you out. You probably have a living room full of these - if you had anymore they'd block your view of the tv. 

Just to be clear - I'm not being lazy. I have done everything I can think of to find this silly toy for him. Every morning since just before Thanksgiving I have made the rounds. I have a route - target, wal-mart, toys-r-us, and then one more target just to be sure I have no time to do anything else. I check them all. DAILY. I never find one. I check online each morning before I even get out of bed. The only person that has them is you. You have tons but you want 3-4X their worth. And I REFUSE to give you my money. It's basic parenting: you don't reward poor behavior. 

I know you are probably sleeping in sheets made of cash or making it rain at your local rodeo but I think you should have to step back from your pile of blood money and look at the victims you left behind. My son will most likely be your victim (unless my daily route pans out). This will be the year he realizes that Santa is not full of magic and the granter of his wishes. This year he'll learn that no matter how good he has been - those little elves didn't make him the toy he dreamed about. No - I don't believe that my kids should get everything they want (I'm not raising spoiled brats over here). And I do think it's good to for them to experience some disappointment in life and to know how to handle it properly. However, I also think that they have their whole lives to be hardened by the world. They have a future filled with the harsh realities of life and the cruel actions of people. He's five. Let him have the magic a little longer.

In short, I hope that you can find it in your heart to stop profiting on people at Christmas. You are the very worst type of scrooge in my book. Please drop your price to retail value or just return the stockpile you have to your local store. Dust the cheetos off your pants, pause your netflix binge, take a break from counting your cash, and do the right thing.  Merry Christmas ya filthy animal!

Sincerely - 

Santa's exhausted personal shopper


  1. How frustrating, I really hope it works out!

    1. Thank you!! Fingers crossed I get lucky and snag one :)

  2. Close to christmas those things became very expensive, even in France. Glad my boys dont care about it. You can always try to say that Santa got him a voucher cause his model is still on production in his factory... prices will drop after Christmas. :)

    1. That's a great idea! Thanks for the suggestion :)